All the Fragile Things in My Heart
by Tasumi Ashiru
Summary: “It is too late. I love you… my master, my creator, everything I live and die inside for... is you and only you.” Small warning: Yaoi fic..
1. Part 1

All the Fragile Things in My Heart   
Part 1   
By: Tasumi Ashiru 

Authors Notes: I wrote this because of all the "let's trash Clow read fanfics" I have seen online. *Sniff* Everyone except online friends label him a bastard. Okay I admit it, I am a Clow fan. This is my idea on a background story of a character who is vital to the series, but is hardly mentioned except near the end to you get a few glimpses at his… humorous and sometimes dare I say insane character. This is not by any means really mentioned in the manga most of the ideas I pulled from my hat and some things that I thought were not really answered in the manga or anime. Such as why Yuki is Yue's false form and other fun little things that we can only make speculations about. Just a small warning.. THIS FIC IS YAOI… if you are scared by Yaoi and Shonen Ai… RUNAWAY, Now this is your last warning in this section. After all... it is a Clow Fanfic… A Clow Read fanfic without Shonen Ai or Yaoi is like hot chocolate being cold… It just isn't the same. It is just my feeling that Clow is either bi or not straight at all. Also… some of the scenes in here are confusing you have to be open minded or insane to understand them. (Insane is better, after all if Clow and Eriol can have voices in their heads… SO CAN I!) 

Chapter 1: A Little Boy Named Clow 

Bowing his head down, the 8 year old boy began to walk into the house, leaving his mother tending to the garden she worked in all day. Pushing his hair from his eyes, he bent his head up to see his mother sobbing again. "Momma…why did daddy visit me last night?" 

"Honey, daddy…" The young boy's mother swiped at her tears, trying in vain to control her trembling voice. She was a young Chinese woman with long black hair and soft brown eyes. She was small in stature but she had such a lovely soft voice, especially when she spoke Chinese to her young son. 

"Daddy is dead. I know." Clow sat next to his mom and smiled. "He was in my room last night. He told me to watch out for demons and to study hard in school." The small boy clutched his hands at his sides. "Why did he die?" 

"Clow, darling, he was killed a long time ago." Mrs. Read clutched at her apron holding the flowers she was snipping from the garden. Looking down at her only child, she tried to smile. 

"Momma, I am never going to die, until I want to. I want to control fate and make the sun rise and set." The little boy smiled up at his mother. 

"Clow, no one can do that. No mortal can do such things." 

"That's it then. I will become better than mortal." The little boy cocked his head to the side, standing next to his mother. 

"Dear, just don't set your hopes too far." Mrs. Read continued clipping flowers as Clow walked back inside, dressed in his Sunday slacks and a white dress top. 

Flopping on the large bed in the center of his room, Clow took out a book from under his bed and began to read about astrology. He knew deep down his mother would not understand, even the librarian gave him weird looks over the book he borrowed. Flipping through the pages, he began to take notes in a small book lined with rose scented paper that his mother made for him. 

'Everyone in class thinks I am a freak. I could care less. They laugh now, but when I am older, they will learn that I am not a freak.' The little boy continued writing in his book. 'Johnny kicked me at the park, Sissy called me a dork, Alexander kept taunting me during class throwing pieces of balled up paper at me. No one is kind to me in class. I think it is because I am half-Chinese. One of the boys called me a Chink… I don't care what it means, all the kids were laughing. Even my teacher Linda was trying to hide her laughter.' 

Clow ripped out the page from his book and balled it up in his small hands and threw paper ball against the wall. 'I hate them!' The little boy kicked his feet off the edge of the bed. Sobbing, he silently wished his mom would come up and tell him everything would be okay. 

Mrs. Read stood out side his bedroom door looking in at him sobbing. Parts of her wanted to cry with him, the other wanted to just let him cry. She watched him. After her husband was killed, he was so stoic, holding her hand making sure she was okay. The little boy hardly showed any emotion; he just smiled or stood there. 

Walking over to his bed she sat down beside him and ran her fingers through his soft, unruly black hair. "Little one, what is wrong?" 

The little boy swiped at his tears and looked up. "Nothing Momma. Just frustrated." 

"Having trouble making the sun rise and set?" 

"No Momma." 

"Talk to me Clow, dear." 

"Momma, why are kids mean to me?" Clow blinked his violet gray eyes and smiled. 

"Because you are half-Chinese, people are mean to me too. It had to do with the olden days. Now they are just doing it to be mean." 

"But Momma, you are so kind. They have no right to be mean to you." The small boy clutched his hands above his head. 

"It's just the way things are, my little one. Some people are kind, others are mean. It is the kind ones that will have a pleasant afterlife. Those who are mean will be miserable for an eternity." 

"Momma, do you believe that I will make the sun rise and set one day?" Clow sat up sweeping his black hair from his eyes. 

"If you want it with your entire being, you will." His mother ruffled his hair up and kissed his forehead before getting off his bed and walking out his bedroom, closing the door behind her.   


Chapter 2: Momma… (Age 10)   


"I closed my eyes to the world around me Momma. The people scare me… Momma, I want to go back home to grandpa in China. I hate it here in Britain. They are still mean to us." Clow folded his arms over his chest, his small mouth curled into the slightest frown. 

"Do you think it will be better there?" His mother held her hands against her hips and faced him. 

'DO I belong anywhere?' Clow sighed under his breath and dragged his feet against the carpet. "Momma, where do I belong?" 

"Honey... why such questions?" 

"Chinese kids don't want to play with me cause I am half British. British kids make fun of my eyes and hair. IT'S NOT FAIR MOMMA!" The tiny boy broke down to his knees, wrapping his arms around her legs and nuzzling his soft face against his mother's long skirts. 

"My poor dear..." Mrs. Read ran her long fingers through her son's hair and smiled softly. "You will find where you belong, darling." 

The boy stood up and smiled slightly. "I know Momma. I just think I will never have friends." 

"Clow… what makes you say that…?" 

"Because, people are cruel and unloving." Clow folded his hands in front of himself and bowed lightly. "Besides… I will make my own friends who will love me forever, Momma." 

"Is that love or servitude?" Mrs. Read knitted her brow and looked at her son. 

"Love, Momma… because they will be like my children." 

"And what will you name these children?" She smiled, thinking that the young boy had not given it this much thought. 

"I will name one Keroberus and make him golden like the sun, and the other will be named Yue, after the moon; he will be a beautiful angel with long hair and pale skin." 

"Both boys?" His mother smiled, already knowing that even at 12 he fancied boys over girls. 

"Ummn humn, Girls are too troublesome." Clow smirked and plopped himself down on to the floor. "Momma, will you make me a robe… A long one, with a eight pointed star and dark purple and gold accents?" 

"If that is what you want… sure." Clow nodded before kissing his mother's cheek.   


Chapter 3: The Sun and Moon (6 years latter - Age 16)   


"Mom.." A strong tenor voice filled the large house, as Clow walked into the house. His long black hair was tied back, and replacing his old school uniform was a military school uniform. "Mom… I am back for the weekend." 

"Honey, is that you?" His mother rushed out from the kitchen and ran into the tall boy's arms, hugging him tightly. "You have grown so much. I bet you are all the rage with the ladies." 

"Nay." Clow shook his head smiling. "Momma, I brought a friend. His name is Yukito Tsukishiro; he's a classmate of mine." 

"Welcome to our home, Yukito." Clow's mother embraced him warmly with an all-knowing smile. 

"Thank you, Mrs. Read." The pale blond boy bowed his head down. 

"Oh, Clow darling, I have something to show you." She grabbed her son's hand and dragged him up the steps. Opening the door to her sewing room, there was a large box seated on the one chair. "Go ahead." 

Clow opened the box, to see the back robe and under-layments that he asked for when he was 12 years old. "Mom, they are beautiful." Clow held them up out of the box, admiring the embroidered star on the front. 

Grabbing Clow close, she whispered into his ear. "They are for when you make the sun rise and set." 

"Thank you mom." Clow smiled to Yukito, who was starring at the beautiful robes in amazement. 

"Why do you want robes like that Clow-san?" 

"Yuki.. Think about it… they are like the ones psychics and sorcerers wear." 

"Oh." Yukito nodded his head. "Is that what you long to be?" 

"With every bone in my body." 

Yukito smiled softly. "Then I know you will succeed."   
  
Clow smiled softly, looking at his friend gently. "Thank you." 

Clow went into the back and tried the robes on. They were loose fitting, and seemed to glow with some strange form of authority and dignity. Mrs. Read smiled at her son, who walked back into the room donning the new robes. "I was going to give them to you sooner, but robes like that would be out of place on a 12 year old boy." 

"Mom…" Clow closed his eyes, smiling lightly. 

Mrs. Read looked up at the young man and embraced him tightly. "Now work on the sun rising and setting."   


Chapter 4: Tragedy (19)   


"In the midst of tragedy, comes forth hope. Everything, while it may be bleak, happens for a reason." The tall minister stood in front of the casket, holding a rosary in his hands as he began to pray. 

Clow stood there, stoic as he was at his father's funeral. Holding his mother's hand, they both looked down into the casket. Placing the rose in his best friend's hand, he ran from the church not, stopping till he heard his mother's voice from behind him. 

"Dear… Wait … talk to me!!" 

"Mom, there is nothing to talk about." Clow spun around facing his mother and narrowed his eyes that were filled with tears that just threatened to fall. "Nothing to talk about, okay..." Clow walked past her, leaving her with tears streaming down her face. 

"Honey…" She wiped the tears from her face and looked in the direction he ran. 'Everything happens for a reason. This is the thing that will change the man who you are, into the man you were always destined to become... My son.' Mrs. Read crumpled her long skirts in her hands and walked home alone, praying that her son would be home when she got there. 

Clow was sitting at an antique writing desk wring in his journal yet again. This time, the book was about a third of the way filled with small, neatly written letters. Holding the pen in his hand, he smiled softly, 'Something told me you would die before I got the chance to say that I love you, Yuki. It is okay though. I will see you again. I know it!' Clow breathed deeply, continuing the next entry in faster, more hard to read script. 'I have had these visions telling me about the accident, and about things that have been happening. I don't know what to do.. I am afraid that if I open the book of magic.. That I may never be able to close it.' 

Clow's mother made it home and leaned against the doorframe, looking in on her son. "Clow, dear?" 

"I am sorry I ignored you." Clow bowed his head down. "I had no right to." 

"Honey, we need to talk." Mrs. Read sat behind him on the bed an d looked up at him thoughtfully. 

Clow put the pen down and looked up at his mother. "Yes.." 

"Do you see visions like things that are going to happen but you are not sure… you just have that feeling?" 

"Ummn humnn.." 

"Come here." Mrs. Read led her son to the attic and motioned to a chest that she never let him go near as a child. "Go ahead. Open it." 

Clow opened the box, and inside it was a book. It was about 4 inches thick and had ancient Chinese writing on it. Pressing his fingers against the eight-pointed star in the middle of the book, he looked up at his mother. "What is this?" 

"You father, while he was in younger years, was a apprentice to a magician. One day, he and the old man were talking about magic, and the man told your father that his child would be born with a special gift. The magician gave this book to your father. He said that it is only a starting point of magic for you. An outline. From there, you must make up your own rules." 

"Do you think I have a gift?" 

"I know you have a gift." His mother embraced him tightly and smiled at him. 

"Do you think I will make the sun rise and set and.." 

"Clow, I know you will do that and more." Mrs. Read smiled at her son. "After all the Li clan is known for magic, and you are part Li."   


Chapter 5: Don't leave me… (Age 25)   


Clow walked up into his mother's room; she was bed ridden now. She looked so frail that even the nurses were afraid to touch her. "Mom..." 

"Hummn..?" She blinked her eyes slightly looking up at her son. He was now a fully-grown man with soft feminine and masculine features. Instead of wearing business clothes, he was dressed in the robes his mother made him nearly 15 years ago. Clow dropped out of college and adopted magic and fortune telling as his living. While most felt he was a little off his rocker, many people began to see just how correct he was. 

"How are you feeling?" He bent over, brushed a strand of hair from her face, and smiled. 'I know you are going to leave me soon.' 

"Tired." She smiled weakly. "I am always tired." 

"Mom, just rest." Clow sat beside her, his hand sliding into hers. 

"Clow, honey. Please let go of me. Let me rest now." 

"NO!!" Clow closed his eyes. "You can't die on me too, Momma." A tear slid down his cheek from behind his thin wire framed glasses. "Please don't leave me. I need you." 

"Clow, dear. Everyone must die. That is the normal cycle of things. I have had a long life with you dear. But now I am tired. My body and heart ache. Please, my son. Let me go." Mrs. Read clutched her hand at her chest, looking at her son with pleading eyes. 

"I.. can't, Momma." Clow leaned over and kissed her forehead. "But if you must.. I understand." 'I always understand.' 

"Thank you." Mrs. Read slid her eyes closed as her frail hand slackened in Clow's tight grip. 

"Goodbye." Clow rested his head silently against her shoulder, sobbing. After about an hour he tilted his head upward looking up to his mother's serene face. His eyes pink from crying for so long. 

The next few days were the hardest, living in the large house that he stayed in his whole life. He decided to move from England to Japan after his mother's funeral, deciding it was for the best.   
  



	2. Part 2

All the Fragile Things in My Heart   
Part 2 

Chapter 1: Creating Angelic Moon and Shining Sun (age 145) 

Clow sat back in his seat, his long black hair now to about the middle of his back. Holding 22 of the 53 cards in his hands he starred at them. Wishing that one of them could be a companion to him, however none of them could, he would often leave them from the cards to have fun, but would often tire himself to the point of passing out against the grass. The cards "The Flower" and "The Voice" would often sense their master's despair and exhaustion and try to console him. 

This lead to a problem, the cards were showing too many human emotions, this would prove dangerous if he would ever die. If the cards loved their master too much they would forever be unwilling to let him go. 

Holding his hand against his chest, Clow bowed his head and frowned deeply. He knew that magic so unstable could prove to be more of a hindrance than an aid. That was when he decided to create his kitten and his silver angel. 

Holding both of the spell diagrams, he began to set up the room, ideas flowed from him like a river, what each of them should be like. At first he was going to give then both large butterfly wings, but then shaking his head repeatedly, he decided on large wings like that of a bird, both elegant and stunning he chose their forms. 

Keroberus was to be the kitten, a lion to be exact. He wanted him to be playful and fun. His brother, Yue, the angel as he labeled him, would be a very timid young man with large white wings and hair… Oo such long and beautiful silver hair that would feel just like silk running through his hands. 

Clow blushed looking at Yue's diagram. He knew deep down that he was everything he wanted and more. The literal physical representation of beauty, skill and something Clow never expected… love. 

Running his fingers against the diagram, he smiled softly. "Don't worry you will be born soon my beautiful angel." Despite the fact that he was only a mere drawing at this point Clow felt drawn to him, as if his moon guardian was created to be a vessel in which to invest his private desires and wishes. Kissing the image gently, he placed it back on the table and turned his head to the sun guardian, Keroberus. 

"Kero… what ever shall I do with you?" Clow chuckled lightly. "I know making you like this would only lead to you eating me out of house and home. But oooo this place is so devoid of life, perhaps you will bring more joy to it." 

Three days latter after making so many changes to the diagrams, Clow began the steps to make them into reality. Holding his fingers against the diagram, the golden seal of his magic formed on the floor beneath him. Since it was daytime, he decided it was best to create Keroberus first. A silhouette of pure magic infused with the pure light of the sun was created with in the seal, as the glow around the seal began to die down, a small winged lion cub was laying in the middle of the seal. 

Running over to the tiny animal, Clow threw his arms around him and began to pet him gently. "Keroberus, how do you feel?" 

"Ookay..Ma-master.." Kero blinked his black eyes and smiled up at him. While he knew how to speak and all of Clow's knowledge of the human race and magic, his vocal cords were not cooperating quite yet. 

Clow smiled and continued to pet him gently, his fingers ruffling his golden fur. "Go to sleep for now dear Kero." Clow's voice was soft and gentle as he allowed the lion cub to curl up against him. 

It had been five days since Kero's birth. The young cub was thriving and growing quickly, much of his baby fur had begun to become tamer and less fluffy. 

With Kero at his side, Clow blew out the candles in the room and took a look at the full moon. The date was pushed back till the full moon so that Yue could derive more of his magic from the moon than from his master, even though still he had to draw a considerable amount from him. 

The seal on the floor was silver like the moon, as he began to recite the incantations. 

"Awaken my angel, my moon Guardian!" Clow nearly feel over as he poured nearly half of his magic into the 17-year-old guardian. 

Looking at him though half slit eyes, Clow saw the silhouette of the angel he envisioned in his dreams. The perfect cat like grace and sweet boyish face. Walking into the middle of the seal, Clow blushed and looked down at the naked young male, his lithe muscular form sprawled out against the floor. Taking his cloak off Clow wrapped him up in it and held the shivering guardian in his arms. 

"Yue." Clow closed his eyes. "I am sorry I neglected in clothes during your creation. I was not expecting you to be... so human." 

"AM I.. Am I not what you wished for master?" Yue blinked his violet eyes looking up at Clow with a soft pout. 

"No.. No.. I as surprised by my own magic." Clow smiled and whispered into his ear. "You are everything I prayed you would be... I just wasn't expecting it to work." 

"You need faith master…" Yue closed his eyes and rested his head against Clow's half-bare shoulder, while Kero looked at Yue jealous that their master was holding him so tightly. 

Walking over to Clow with light gentle steps, Kero placed his paw against Yue's chest and blinked his eyes. "He's human like you master, why?" 

Clow smiled. "He is not entirely human nor are you entirely animal. I created you both as I dreamed you when I was a younger man and child. You, Kero were planed more in my childhood. I created you in the form of a lion because I love lions so. They are so strong and powerful and the sun reminds me of something strong and powerful." 

"And Yue?" Kero nuzzled close to the guardian of the moon. 

"I created him. After a love of mine passed away in an accident. I had the idea of a human style all along, but after my friend's death. I began to give him more human traits, things that I think of when I look at the moon. What I wish a moon angel would look like." Clow blushed lightly, picking up the moon guardian and carrying him into the room. Laying him on the only bed in the house, and pulling the sheets over his hips, Clow smiled softly. Seconds latter Kero pounced on the bed and curled up beside his sleeping brother still wrapped up in Clow's robes. 

Falling asleep in the large chair, Clow slept at the side of the bed the entire night making sure both his guardians were all right.   


Chapter 2: Angelic Plea 

The next morning Clow awoke lying in his bed. Looking at the floor, he saw Yue sleeping his long hair covering his back and his wings wrapped around his still naked body keeping him warm. Sitting up he looked at the moon guardian and smiled softly. "You moved me why Yue?" 

Yue opened his violet eyes. "Because, Master… I should not put you out of place. You looked so uncomfortable. So I laid you on your bed and sat beside the bed. My place is to ensure your protection and happiness master.. I am sorry if I made you upset." 

"No.. You just surprised me." Clow looked at the still naked guardian. His sleek toned muscular body, and sweet heart face drove him to blushing like a young boy and hiding his face in his sleeve. 

"Master, do I embarrass you?" 

"No.. No … Just make me blush cause I neglected clothes in your creation." 

"AM I not beautiful enough?" Yue closed his eyes. 

'I think you are too beautiful. I created you, yet I am drawn to you. It perplexes me my Yue.' "I think you are perfect." Clow nodded his head to emphasize his point. 

"Then look at me like you do Kero." Yue blushed as he saw his master climb out of bed and began to undress himself. "What are you… doing?" 

"Proving how hard it is." Clow stood in front of Yue naked. "Now, Yue look at me as I look at Kero." 

"I can't.. You are my master.." 

"I am commanding you to. I want to prove that I am not ashamed of you." Clow placed his hands on his hips and looked at Yue. 

Yue opened his eyes and looked at his master blushing. "I see your point. Now, master.. Please get dressed again." 

"Why am I not beautiful enough to look at?" Clow bowed his head down and smiled. 

"No, because you are naked. No offense, I would be clothed if you gave me some." 

Clow began to get dressed again, still trying to figure out why he had just stripped naked in front of Yue to prove a point. "Your point is taken. I will begin on something after breakfast. Till then wear these." Clow threw a pair of tight fitting pants that were trimmed in blue. 

"Are you are trying to make me prance around like a peacock?" 

"No no.." Clow smiled brightly. "The only thing I have that would fit you, honestly." 

"Somehow I doubt that.." 

Clow smirked. "No it is the truth." 

Yue placed the form fitting pants on and turned to Clow. "There better?" 

Clow blushed like mad, looking at the guardian's lithe form, how flat his stomach was and how milky pale his skin was, before trailing his eyes lower. "Iie." 

"Why?" Yue folded his hands over his front and turned pink around his ears. "Master we need to talk about that too." 

Clow pushed his glasses up and ruffled Yue's hair. "Think about… some thing that doesn't make you feel that way." 

Yue turned away blushing again. 'But master… I can't think about you.' "I can't" 

Clow took his hand. "Possibly it is because I forced your life at such a tender age. I should have thought about the consequences." 

Yue pouted, his pale pink lips curved downward. "Do you regret me master.." 

"NO.. I never could regret you… my beauty" Clow's voice dropped off at the last word so that it was barely a whisper. 

Yue stepped closer to Clow, his hands reaching out to him like a child craving affection. Clutching his robes to his bare chest he looked up into his master's eyes, and saw something there that no one ever saw of Clow Read, complete trust. "I.. Don't regret being your moon angel." 'I never could master. I love you too much to regret anything.' 

Clow turned away out of Yue's embrace and clutched his hand to his chest. "I have to go." 

"Don't walk away from me." Yue narrowed his cat-like eyes lightly. " I know you created me to love you." 

'How did he…' Clow sighed. "I should not have. I was selfish. I took away your free will... I should have never made you to love me from birth." 

"It is too late. I love you… my master, my creator, everything I live and die inside for... is you and only you." 

"I don't deserve you." Clow held the key that was around his neck and sighed heavily. "I created you to say this. I was so empty. I crave love.. I crave someone to hold me close and to kiss me softly." 

Yue leaned close to his master, his hands resting against his master's broad hips. "Then let me be that one. Let me love you master… Let me make you happy." 

"I can't… I can't…" Clow sighed deeply his chest rising and falling rapidly as his pulse quickened from how close Yue was, where his hands where resting. 

Yue closed his eyes pressing his body against Clow's. "I am yours, I want you ... not anyone or anything else but you master." Yue held his chin in his hands and pecked him softly on the check. "I want to be yours forever Clow-sama."   



End file.
